Trading One Fix for Another
Vicodin, Dexedrine & Adderall
by Matt Baze
In the fall of 2000, I became addicted to Vicodin. I would spend every day completely out of touch with reality. Not knowing what was going on or what I was doing. Somehow I managed to go to college full time, and work full time. On my way to catch the train on my way to school each morning I would pop three or four Vicodin. By the time my second class of the day came around I would take three more. I sat in class each day in a complete fog, not grasping the concept of what my professor was teaching. Not that I cared in that state of mind. During half of my classes I would nod out, waking up when everyone was leaving. I would get back on the train to head home and then to work, but hell what is a train ride without a couple of Vicodin. So another two would be thrown down. Then I would get home and get changed for work. I tried not to look to horrible when I got into work, being that I am the boss of 150 people. I would sit at my desk and answer my phone helping people as best I could in my fog. I would pop a couple more during work. (It's funny how wonderful a cigarette tastes when you are all pilled up.) Finally the night would be over and I would make my way home.
By April the pill popping had worked its way into my daily routine. I could not function without taking a few pills. To do a simple task, I had to take a few Vicodins first. By June, I was taking almost twenty a day and I knew I had to get off of them. I had become disgusted by the sight of myself. I had balloned up to about 200 lbs. and my skin was terribly broken out. My first concern was to get myself looking better. I figured, if I looked better then my self-confidence would be boosted, thus making it easier for myself to get off of the pills. I tackled the skin problem easily, but the weight was really hard to control. Then I found Dexadrine. Good old Dexadrine, I began taking 15mg Dexadrines in mid June, and by the beginning of July I had dropped about 30 lbs. Everyone I knew was saying how wonderful I looked. I got a promotion at my job, and the world was looking up.
But these pills to began to creep into my everyday routine. I would crash hard, and not be able to get up in the morning, because I had been speeding the whole previous day and was in a very deep sleep. Soon I began took look emaciated. My skin was hanging off of me, my ribs were showing through. I went from being a six foot 190lb. man to a 145lb man. Plus I think I shrank in that time too. But I really like looking good, so I decided to stay with these pills. However like any other drug I became very accustomed to them and found it quite difficult to find any relief from one 15mg pill. I felt that taking two 15mg pills at once was too much, because I knew I would be taking mor latter on in the day. So then I moved to 20mg Adderal. There was something about these pills that I liked. Maybe it was the fact that they were not time released like the Dexadrine, or maybe it was the fact that they were blue (Hey I was a junky, colors amazed me.) Anyhow I really liked them, but the fact that they were not time released ment I had to take more to keep my feeling of euphoria from fading, but hell the Adderall was easier to get my hands on so I did not mind.
Then the nervous ticks began, and the heart pains. I knew it was time to get off......And let's see if I can.
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